I’ve been off work for the past couple of weeks battling extreme – I mean EXTREME – fatigue.
Is ‘battling’ the correct verb? It’s so proactive, confrontational. Would ‘suffering’, ‘enduring’, even plain old, sitting on the fence, no bias here, ‘experiencing’, be better? I think it depends where I am on the self-pity scale. I’m leaning toward ‘enduring’ right now.
Have I mentioned how awful a symptom fatigue is? Yep, I think maybe I have. No need for sarcasm young lady (or man, if you must)! It doesn’t suit you.
Enough rambling. We’re here to explore the question: What’s me and what’s MS? So take off those muddy boots, leave them by the door step, come join me on the rug.
I think I’ve got this on my mind because fatigue’s the kind of symptom that lends itself to this question.
What I mean is, for example, I’ve never particularly relished the grind of day-to-day, full-time work (I know, who does and what exactly is wrong with them?), but does this mean that my MS perhaps has always been there, lurking in the shadows of my nervous system, biding its time, menacingly rubbing together its creepy little paws, sniggering in the manner of a cartoon villain, sporting a cape and other assorted accoutrements associated with such a character. Chilling.
My point is thus: Have I found work tiresome because I’ve been suffering from MSfatigue, or is it just that I find work tiresome?
That’s not a good example.
I think what I’m trying (and pretty much failing) to say, is because of the nature of this cussing mother-cussing disease, because so many of the symptoms, like fatigue, are invisible – other people can’t see them – you see? Which means you have to (over)explain them and, if you’re anything like me, this makes you feel fraudulent. Like a big, fat liar.
Like you’re making excuses for the person that you are, rather than legitimately providing information about the condition that you’re in no way responsible for having (enduring).
I think I may just have had an epiphany.