This didn’t start off as a blog post, just me writing some stuff down, to get it outta my system. But I thought, wake up grandma, it’s 2015! Who cares about privacy anymore?! We’re all digital witnesses now.
I want to cry because everything’s so bad, but I can’t. Is it the sertraline blocking that specific neural pathway? I know it doesn’t work that way, but that’s how I picture my brain activity. Sadness is there, just around the corner but there’s a big road block and a succession of diversion signs so I can’t get to it. And, usually, that’s (mostly) okay, but this MS, this fatigue, the things I feel I should be able to do but can’t*; I need a good self-pity cry. But maybe it knows what it’s doing; preventing what starts off as a feeling sorry for myself weep becoming a river, an ocean, a fucking tsunami.
*Idk, like some spontaneous, off the cuff, interpretive dance or something.
I was listening to Elliott Smith when I wrote this. That may provide an explanation.