Losing all the things…7


Hey you! *high fives* Alright? All your stuff as it should be? Anything new you want to tell me? No? Yeah, okay, I’ll get on with it. Hold, as they say, your horses. 

Okay. Big exhale. 

I’m getting a bit bored of this relapse. Old relapse #4. With the emphasis on old. So I left you with an image of me laying on a sofa, often weeping and hardly speaking. 

Part of being that incapacitated means losing a lot of independence and a fair bit of dignity (“That ship called Dignityyyy“). Being washed, dressed and fed by your Mum or your husband is hard to deal with. I was worried that D would never find me attractive ever again. It’s alright, he did. My Mum got pretty awesome at putting in and taking out my contact lenses for me – I’m hugely shortsighted and much to the disapproval of the optician, don’t have any glasses. Yeah, I know, blah eye infection blah etc. 

Remember I mentioned another treatment that only one of my MS nurse’s other patients ever had been given? I can’t remember the name of it – I’ll fill it in when I know. Well I had that. Five days on IV. Luckily, I didn’t have to stay in hospital. 

Either during or after this time, I can’t remember now, a physio came over with a walking frame and, at some point, definitely after, I began to feel that I was getting better. 

I remember the day I managed to get myself out of bed and walk through to my Mum and Dad’s bedroom (D and I were still there), using the frame/walls/handles/anything fixed. So pleased with myself.  And then I could sit up in bed without even leaning on anything. And finally we went home – it was the October half term so D was around in the day for me. 

I’ve found some texts between me and my Mum from then. I keep mentioning being shaky – I don’t even remember that.  


A few things from that time, the beginning of my long and slow rehabilitation:

  • D bought me Morrissey’s autobiography – my vision was starting to improve. I eventually gave up on it. It’s not good. Just sniping over ancient presumed slights. Penguin shouldn’t have published it. It is not a ‘classic.’
  • The first phone calls with C and L (voice also returning) were very emotional. They’re excellent people. (I didn’t let anyone apart from my immediate family/medical professionals near me when I was in the middle of it all – I didn’t want anyone to see me like that). 
  • D and I watched all of Breaking Bad. Obviously.  
  • My Dad had to give me the Heimlich Maneuver when we went out for lunch and I thought it would be hilarious if I tried to eat a massive piece of chicken in one go. Safe to say, it was not hilarious.
  • I was getting round the house using a combination of the frame, anything I could grab on to, and tackling the stairs by shuffling on my bum, often throwing anything I wanted to take with me down first. 

I though it was mostly over by November but then I found this text that disproves my recollections:  

By okay, I mean I’m getting around the house alright. Not that I’m ready to enter a charity walk. Just to clarify. 

Some honesty. I’m not really happy with this post. It’s a bit blah if you know what I mean. Come back again though! Don’t leave me this way! It’ll be better next time. I promise. 

(Sorry Morrissey). 


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